


And All That's Best Of Dark And Bright Response

by Oky_Verlo



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Not Actually A Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-09-02 06:17:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 11,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16781314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oky_Verlo/pseuds/Oky_Verlo
Summary: Read this amazing story and got semi-philosophically rambly.Some of them are shorter than others but that is just fine.I am proud of my rambles and now I share them with you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaaterinapetrova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaaterinapetrova/gifts).
  * Inspired by [And all that’s best of dark and bright](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16202717) by [kaaterinapetrova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaaterinapetrova/pseuds/kaaterinapetrova). 



When we are young things, mere glimmers of potential, and endless opportunity just wanting to be unleashed upon the world, we are told to never meet our heroes.

At the time it makes no sense to us, seems to be nonsense, for who _wouldn't_ want to meet their heroes? Their bastions of hope and inspiration?

_Those who know better._

It's all a matter of expectations. As the small, innocent children we all once were, we don't expect anything from our heroes but for them to be amazing. And so that is all we see; the glitz, the glamour, the glorious show, without even being interested in what goes on backstage.

But when we grow, when the shine of the world has started to dull and we begin to experience the never-ending press of the daily grind of life, we begin to see the cracks in the façade, the glitter where once we saw gold.

We see those invincible heroes be brought down, revealed to be nothing but human.

We expected them to be amazing forever.

_We now know better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	2. Chapter 2

Never believe all that you hear, never trust everything that you see, for there is blood in the truth my dear, blood made of falsities and halves, that sharks will pick and rend until they can tell a story that will _sell_.

The truth is not a necessary part of what sells, it is merely a toss up whether its presence is convenient or not.

And the Starks have always sold.

Be it Innovation or Inebriation. Success or Scandal. Dreams-come-true or Dark-and-dreary.

If it's got the Stark name on it, it will sell and sell well. 

It's a constant surveillance that Toni will never escape, born in the spotlight and haunted by eyes that watch her every move.

You must be strong to survive such an onslaught.

_Stark men are made of iron._

_Then what is your daughter Howard?_

_What is your wife?_

You must have strong foundations to stay steady through such a life.

And Toni has had so many of hers ripped away.

_Mama, who tried so hard to keep her safe, stolen by a silver hand._

_J.A.R.V.I.S., who sacrificed himself to stave off Ultron's madness._

_Pepper, who had enough, and walked away from so many years of friendship._

_Happy, who had been so loyal and caring, leaving without looking back._

_Rhodey, who ..._

_Who ..._

_..._

_Rhodey, who may never wake up again._

Is it any wonder she's broken?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	3. Chapter 3

The human mind is an amazing thing.

Think about it; our minds record everything we say, do, hear, and play it back to us with ease.

Sure, sometimes the details get a little fuzzy, and sometimes the events don't quite match up, but hey, the fact that we could potentially recall anything and everything is worth that right?

_The endless black of space dotted with an uncountable amount of stars, an infinite reminder of just how small we are in regards to the universe._

_The heart stopping sight of an armada, loaded with countless Chitauri, and so many of the leviathans, just waiting for their chance at the portal._

It is how humans as a race have advanced as far as we have, how we have grown and continue to grow, and how we take control of our surroundings to better ourselves and the world.

_Head forced down into a barrel of filthy water, electricity sparking through her body, metal heavy in her chest and breaths too short, far shorter than they should be._

_They want the missile._

_She says no._

It is how we look to the past with fondness, recalling the times of joy and laughter with our loved ones.

_A silver hand slowly tightens, and Mama's breaths grow shorter too, too short, far too short, and even shorter still until..._

_They stop forever._

_The hand holds on for a few seconds longer._

_Making sure._

It is how we dream when we close our eyes to sleep, how we create worlds and adventures to amuse ourselves.

_A rocky outcropping filled to the brim with death; those she loved, those she cared for, those she knew and didn't._

_A hand shoots out and grasps her wrist tightly, silently burning the mark she doesn't want._

_'Why didn't you save us?'_

It is how we memorise the faces of those we come to hold dearest, how we can recognise them and the truth of their place in our lives.

_'He's my friend!'_

_'...So was I.'_

Yes, the human mind, though not perfect is indeed a most wonderful, amazing thing.

**_Isn't it a shame how it seeks to destroy us?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	4. Chapter 4

Is it weird that I'm kinda really pissed off that the rogues cleaned the workshop?

Like, yeah they tried to put things into order for her (potentially) and to try to bring the clutter and chaos to a manageable state, but all I can think is; they have disrupted it.

The flow, the safety, the familiarity, the chaotic order that only Toni knows; the rogues have messed with that, destroyed that, and tainted what for so long has been Toni's sanctuary.

And the worst thing for me, is that if they were ever confronted with it, they'd likely say they were _'just trying to help'_ , that _'it was for her own good'_ , and not recognise exactly what they have just cost her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	5. Chapter 5

Humans are inherently flawed creatures, simply because we all have different views on what constitutes as _perfection_. Perfection is the ultimate goal, the final piece of life, and again, for every person, it's different, and furthermore, it changes as time goes on; for how long were athletes and physically capable men considered _perfect_ , if for nothing more than their societal attractiveness and related ability to provide? Yet now, it is the intellectuals and mentally capable who are looked upon for their ability to provide who are viewed as _perfect_ men. An even better example is the ever changing _perfect_ female body, from overly voluptuous to skinny to curvy and back again.

But the idea of perfection is one that innovators hate.

Because that means there's nothing left. No way to improve, to explore, to tweak and change for better results. In a way, perfection renders these people obsolete, unnecessary, _useless_.

An innovator like Toni would reject the notion of perfection.

_(Howard deemed the perfect family man. Natasha deemed the perfect spy. Steve deemed the perfect soldier.)  
(All of them left her broken and alone.)_

Toni constantly works to improve upon everything; her suits, the teams weapons, the tech for her company, her charities and business practices, the conduct expected for the Avengers, she is always working to make things _better_ , but not perfect, never perfect.

Because she knows perfection is a myth. A myth that, much like the mark that burns her wrist, she doesn't want to buy into.

But she knows that the rogues do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	6. Chapter 6

_What do you do?_

When the world is crashing down around you.

When truths you have always held as absolute are proven false.

When the gods you worshipped show themselves as nothing but fallen fools.

_What do you do?_

When friends become enemies.

When enemies show that they will protect you.

When those you called family do nothing but haunt your dreams.

_What do you do?_

When the rains of life's struggle never stop.

When the winds of tragedy whip endlessly at your face.

When the fire of hate and sacrifice forever weigh upon your back.

_What do you do?_

When it hurts to breathe.

When your body is falling apart.

When marks you never asked for endlessly burn.

_What do you do?_

When you're always pulled too thin in every direction.

When your power and strength begins to wane.

When you're surrounded on all sides.

**_What do you do?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	7. Chapter 7

Anyone who tells you that they have never lied, has just told you they're a liar.  
A white lie, is still a lie.  
A lie by omission, is still a lie.  
Lies are lies are lies.  
It is simply part of who we are as humans.  
And one of the biggest lies we -as humans- tell, the one we let slip from our tongue the most

_"I'm sorry."_

As children, we are told to apologize, even when we do not feel we have done wrong.

Lie.

We get caught in discussions we do not wish to have, and apologize, but we need to be elsewhere.

_Lie._

Like Steve Rogers, we hurt someone so we can protect someone else, and apologize, but we would do the same again if we had to.

_**Lie.** _

It is the forever lie, because we do not feel we have done something wrong.

But it is true that not all lies are told with malice. Toni likely didn't want to cause a fuss - _These people are your teammates, your family now, so don't push the envelope, don't rock the boat_ \- so she expressed favouritism over a meal that perhaps Steve cooked a lot? If it made Steve happy, and wasn't hurting anyone, Toni could sit down and eat a meal she didn't enjoy with no one the wiser. The others were having difficulties understanding something, be it technological, socio-political, financial, environmental? Well, she was born with the ability to retain incredible amounts of information, and chances were she knew about whatever was causing their grief and how to make it better.

Because that's what Toni does. Makes things better.

But she's not sure she wants things to be better with the Avengers now.

Heh. No. She knows she doesn't want things to be better.

To say otherwise, would be a _lie_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	8. Chapter 8

_As I tread the paths that once I had walked, I see history unveil itself before me._   
_My time as infant, as child, as teen, as adult, as elder and finally as corpse._

_There are some that I see as little more than blurs, impressions rather than true memory._   
_Others I see as lightning images flashing, swiftly changing from one to another._   
_And yet others I see as faded photographs, captured in perfect clarity but for their dying colour._

_But for so many, my triumphs and disasters, my successes and failures, my joys and my woes,_   
_yes for so many, I see them all with an unnatural tinge colouring them, changing them, twisting_   
_them just so, manipulating them so that, now with the clarity of the dead, I see that they should_   
_really be called false. All of them, changed to suit a story **I** wanted to tell._   
_And it is only now, with the clarity of the dead, that I see that anytime someone tried to tell me_   
_otherwise of these memories, it shook everything in me._

_So I denied it._

_Even though now I am dead, I am still human. Simply human. And it terrified me to have someone_   
_challenge the stability of the grounds of my belief._

_But I am dead now. I possess the clarity of the dead._

_I know that we all eventually must shed the rose tinted glasses we are born wearing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	9. Chapter 9

Screams. That long, loud wail that tears from our throats, denoting everything we feel, be it anger, fear, elation.

We are born screaming. Seemingly endless shrieks telling our parents, the doctors, the _world_ that we're here, we're alive, that we exist.

Screaming is good, is recognised as a way to tell if we are in pain, if we are scared, if we are stressed.

There is panic if we are born silent.

Babies cry and scream, because they have no other way of letting the world around them know that something isn't right.

And though it tapers off as we grow older, learn how to articulate for the masses our wants and needs, we still retain the ability.

No one breathing but Toni knows what happened in Afghanistan.

_Painpainpainohithurtshandsdiggingintoherchestremovingbonestouchingherheart **shecan'tstopscreamingit'ssowrong**_

So when she thinks she's there again? When she thinks that something's wrong?

She screams. She wails and caterwauls and shrieks, telling everyone to get away, to stay away, to leave her be.

But the thing about screaming?

_Once you reach a certain age, everyone stops trying to find out why.  
Once you reach a certain age, everyone stops listening._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	10. Chapter 10

Belief. Belief is a powerful thing. Powerful, and scary.

It slips in through the slightest cracks in well made fortifications, slithers into the deepest parts of our hearts and minds, and just the smallest glimmer and drop of belief can cause you to contemplate, allow, _follow_ the most terrifying of things.

_Why didn't you save us? Why didn't you do more?_

Belief can so easily take control of every part of our lives, for good

_Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk._

Or for ill

_"Sounds like a cold world Toni."_

_"I've seen colder."_

Rogers and Romanoff believe that if they just keep at it, things will go back to the way they were before.

Maximoff believes that Toni is to blame for all trials and tribulations in her life.

Barton believes that he will always hit his target.

Barnes believes that he shouldn't be saved.

The Soldier believes that he can only fight.

Vision believes he is unsafe around Maximoff.

Maria believes that there is too much going on for one person to handle on their own, but can't trust in others to actually help.

Friday believes that the world is out to get her precious creator.

And Toni?

Toni doesn't really _believe_ anything.

She knows.

And so she prepares, alone if she has to, for Thanos to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	11. Chapter 11

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

It means have your enemies surrounded.

The problem is, how sure are you, how sure can you be, that your friends **are** your friends?

And what marks the difference of when someone is **your** friend, but you aren't **their** friend?

Growing up, we're given the script on how to make friends, but how often does anyone actually say their lines, learn their cues, follow the directions?

It's like asking someone what 'normal' is.

Much like perfection, everyone has a different idea.

The maxim is easier to follow when you're young, because the world is in black and white, good and bad.

But we see the swirls of grey as we get older, we see the mix of the two, and we struggle to find both a balance, and the answers behind everything.

As a child, you _knew_ that someone was bad.

As an adult, you _see_ what drove them to do bad things.

As a child, a thief is bad.

As an adult, a man stealing to feed his child is conflicting.

One is the enemy, the other is a case to be observed.

At least, that's the way it should be.

As we grow we _should_ lose that black and white mentality.

We _should_ question and research every conflict.

We _**should**_ see the grey that dominates all life.

But for so many they don't want to.

They want things to remain simple, to remain the same, to remain in a way they can control.

But there is no true control in nature, no true control in life.

We are but beings of chaos, no true uniformity in who we are.

So be careful, when you try to learn who are your friends and enemies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	12. Chapter 12

Masks, armour, disguises all around. You cannot see anyone for all of the mystique.

But, really, what were you expecting?

No one reveals everything about themselves right from the start.

No one gives away that much power over themselves.

It's like the old stories of the fey; _never give them your name_.

Even children know this.

It's why we don our masks, to hide what we perceive as flaws

_I'm alright. I'm alright. I have to be._

It's why we bear our armour, to protect ourselves from harm.

_Dressed to the nines, ready to play, prepared to slay._

It's why we disguise ourselves, mimicking those around us so we don't stand out and draw attention.

_Just another face in the crowd._

Because we don't know how else to be.

Those who stand out, who show themselves freely? How strong, how brave, how _foolish_ they must be.

How jealous the rest of us are of their brilliance.

How little we truly know of them, despite how open they are.

For they are our idols, placed on a pedestal from which we all can see them, but never get close enough to them.

And in that ever dark jealousy, however much we love our idols, we so much more love to watch them fall.

We may be able to fool ourselves and say that we are not like that, however it is the undeniable truth that there is a sense of _satisfaction_ when one deemed so great has proven themselves flawed, when we are proven right about their humanity.

And then we scorn them.

Scorn them for being human.

We decide that we know better, that we _are_ better, than ones who we build up and destroy.

And then we are shocked when they prove themselves human yet again, even though _'we know better'_.

We merely fool ourselves, donning our masks, wearing our armour, putting on our disguises.

Looking at the dull shell, accepting it as reality, because we cannot handle the brilliant truth.

We are all selfish beings.

And life is just one long, seemingly endless masquerade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	13. Chapter 13

Everything in this world has a thousand meanings behind it. Every thought, every action, every word. There is nothing that is not rife with symbolism.

But only because we give it that symbolism.

Think about it; flowers are a result of natural evolution designed to further propagate. Their colour, scent, pollen, all of it is an evolutionary advantage for the sole sake of attracting the insects and animals that will help it spread its seed and expand its territory.

Yet we have given special meanings to every flower and variants within those flowers for their different colours.

The flowers didn't do that.

We did.

We gave meanings behind what we dream, we gave meanings to images on cards, we gave meanings to shiny rocks, all because we could.

All because we wanted a sense of order.

Yes, order.

How simple is it, how ultimately _calming_ is it, when we know what, how, why?

What is this thing?

_A red rose._

How do you know?

_The spread of the petals, the scent, and the thorns._

Why is it important?

_Because red roses mean love, symbolise that your heart beats for another._

No it doesn't.

The rose doesn't care one wit about lovers, or beating hearts or any other romantic notion.

The rose wants to spread its seeds.

But we gave it that meaning, because it made _us_ calm.

Because it made _us_ happy.

Because it _distracts_ us, from not knowing the meaning behind our own lives.

Yeah, that's really why we do it. Because we're struggling so hard to give meaning to our lives.

And most of the time, it's not even our fault.

Ever since you're born, expectations, hopes and dreams are put on your shoulders, from your behaviour, your appearance, your grades, your social ability, everything.

And we are under this constant barrage forever, regardless of who we are. Every single one of us, from celebrities, to royalty, to bakers, to teachers to children to even babies, are always under this scrutiny.

Tell me, how often have you had someone, family, friend, superior, even complete stranger, ask you what your future plans are?

And tell me, how many times, have you received a thoughtful look and an almost dismissive _'hmmmm'_?

Tell me, how many meanings are behind that one sound?

And how many of them did _you_ put there?

There is nothing in this world without meaning, but only because we put that meaning there.

It's why it can be so hard to give gifts; are you just being nice, or is there another meaning to the gift, an ulterior motive?

Yeah, there's an ulterior motive; most of the time it makes us happy to give a gift.

Pleasure and delight are addictive, we as gifters, receive in another's happiness at a gift.

Some use gifts as chains, as bribes, as proof of superiority, but for the most part, it makes someone happy when they make someone _else_ happy.

Sometimes we give gifts, because we _need_ another persons happiness to feel even a smidge of our own.

Because sometimes, that's all we have.

Because sometimes, we are that alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	14. Chapter 14

Experience shapes all that we are.

It tells tales in the marks it leaves behind on us, lends itself to our ability to recognise dangers and tricks, soothes us when it reminds us of past events.

The older we get, the more experience we have, simply because experience is _life_. You literally cannot live without getting experience.

But experience does not always shape us for the better.

_The child forced to smile while harsh fingers claw into her shoulder._

Sometimes, the experiences leave us cold and scared.

_The young man struggling to breathe while trying to stand up to another._

Sometimes they leave us a little cracked.

_Two boys running, following the cheery music and flashing lights, because it was better then whiskey breath and constant fists._

Sometimes it leaves us broken.

_The child shaped into a woman, and told she is nothing more than a pretty face to be used for their benefit._

Experience can make us feel small.

_The man told he is there to make money, to erase his correction, to allow the lie to remain._

Make us feel weighed down with heavy chains.

_The man on his knees, unable to look away from his best friend, broken wings strewn around them._

Experience in the end, truly leaves its mark on us all.

_The man -JamesBuckySargeantBarnesAssetWinterSoldierSoldat- screaming as the arm is looked over by faceless men and women who care nothing for how it hurts him._

And yet we keep going.

We take that experience, and its marks, and its hurts, and its cruelty and we stand up, clench our fists, and keep going.

Because even with all that experience behind us, it is all we can do.

We don't really know any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	15. Chapter 15

Life is a series of trials, tribulations and treachery.

Everything is a test, everything is an obstacle, everything is yet another task to prove something.

There are so many moments of joy and happiness through out yes, but then you turn around, and there's another tick for the daily grind.

It's like smithing a sword; you're put through the heat, hammered with great force, then folded in half before repeating the process.

The only relief is the quench, when you are dropped into water or oil or left in the air, when you are given a moment of respite.

Before you are put through it all over again.

But like the steel, it tempers you, really.

But whether you strengthen or shatter?

Well, we'll just have to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	16. Chapter 16

One of the greatest contradictions in the world is a child.

Children are vile little demons to one person's eyes, yet a sweet little angel to another.

Children are too young to understand when they are being talked down too, yet they are old enough to have people speak around them in whispers to avoid being overheard.

Children are one of the highest expenses a person can undertake, yet they are so rewarding without any return.

Contradiction after contradiction.

The fact is that children are as smart, as developed, as mature as they need to be.

Children are far better suited than most adults in how to read the energy of a group, because they haven't yet grown into needing full reasoning; a child will cry at a funeral because everyone else is sad, even if they don't understand the concept of death. They can just tell that right now, everyone is sad.

Children are far better at sticking to goals than most adults, because they don't suffer the same pressures and expectations; a child will steadfastly hoard away all the pocket money they get to buy the super special toy they want, not having to worry about bills and debts and day-to-day expenses. They want the toy, so they save the money for the toy.

Children are far better at including everyone than most adults, because they haven't yet been fully exposed to the hate and injustice and separatism that floods the world; they are children wanting to play a game, and until they are taught to hate and mistrust and fear, they don't see the different skin or the religion or even the gender. They see another kid, just like them, who they can play with.

Children are born pure -not born inherently good, but _pure_. They are a blank canvas, and the world at large, the artists flinging paint.

Children can only be who we allow them to be, the canvas can only show what is placed upon it.

If you treat a child like a child, they will be a child.

If you treat a child like an adult, you force them to be an adult.

If you treat a child like a monster, you create exactly what you so feared.

They can only be who we allow them to be.

And we never let them forget that we're watching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	17. Chapter 17

Chains are an interesting choice for a metaphor.

_Another link on the chain._

They can be used to refer to something.

_Another link on the chain._

They can be used to symbolise ideas.

_Another link on the chain._

They can be used to represent anything you can imagine.

_Another link on the chain._

One who is steadfast in their behaviour is chained to their beliefs.

_Another link on the chain._

One who begins a series of events has set off a chain reaction.

_Another link on the chain._

One who overcomes obstacles or difficulties has broken their chains.

_Another link on the chain._

And it seems never ending, the ways that a chain can be used.

_Another link on the chain._

It's all a matter of context as to what the chain is doing.

_Another link on the chain._

Are the chains holding you down?

_Another link on the chain._

Are they keeping you secure?

_Another link on the chain._

Are they the thing that keeps you linked?

_Another link on the chain._

Well, that all depends on who -or what- waits at the other end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	18. Chapter 18

"Come on sweetie, time for bed. If you're quick, I'll read you a story~"

Jan smiled as Hope scurried to brush her teeth and pull on her nightgown before all but diving into her bed.

But then, Hope loved the tales from the old book Jan had gotten from her own mother.

It really was an old thing; unremarkable brown leather, cracked in a few places down the spine, and so faded that if a title had ever been on the cover, it was well and truly worn away now.

But the pages were well cared for, and the words well loved.

"I'm ready now! I'm ready!"

Jan chuckled and lifted the book, clearing her throat and beginning to read.

"Once, long before computers and phones, long before cameras and television, yes, so long ago, the gods and goddesses came together for a meal~"

* * *

_Kronos sighed deeply as he looked over his brethren._

_The endless squabbling that always arose when they were together was aggravating, but unlike so many other of their get togethers, this one was different._

_A truly grave threat needed be dealt with, and needed attention from all of them in some way. If all worked out, it would also serve to appease many aggrieved tempers, and possibly even keep them happy until the next time they had to cross paths_

_But he could not start without her._

_As though summoned by the very thought Gaea joined the gathering, and just like always, the squabbles paused, as the others paid her respect._

_Kronos could hardly blame them though, dear Gaea was a gentle being, kind and loving and giving, and an absolute calamitous nightmare when angered. Kronos was still truly honoured to be one of her children._

_"Welcome Mother Gaea. Now, I am sure all of you have at least heard in passing of the one called the Mad Titan?"_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_He knelt there, bound in the chains forged by his brethren, breath heaving and body broken, yet still snarling like a wild beast. Kronos raised his arm, the sword he carried aiming for the titan's neck._

_A gentle touch stayed his hand, and Kronos turned to look into the sorrowful eyes of his mother._

_"He is still a child of the universe Kronos. I cannot, by the simple fact of who I am, kill him. That is not my realm, and even in my greatest rage, have I ever not forgiven and granted chance?"_

_Kronos sighed, but nodded, passing the key that would loose the titan's chains into Gaea's palm._

_"Let the key rest upon your planet; it is still so young and still changing, that none will sense it there."_

_Gaea smiled gratefully at her son, and hid the key within the growing planet called Earth, as Kronos cast a final look upon the chained being._

_"I truly pity the one to one day be refused her forgiveness. You best be thankful for Mother Gaea's mercy, for it's only through her you still live Thanos."_

* * *

"But ... what if some one finds Thanos' key and releases him? He'll hurt people again."

Jan laughed as she gently closed the old book and slipped it on the shelf before tucking in her sleepy daughter.

"Oh Hope, it's just a fairy tale."

* * *

_In the darkness of the void, ancient chains rattle._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	19. Chapter 19

One of the most terrible, terrifying, controlling forces a person will ever face is loneliness.

You can be completely alone, and feel lonely.

You can be with family, and feel lonely.

You can be in a great crowd of people, others pressing against you on all sides, and still feel lonely.

When we are children, we create imaginary friends to combat our loneliness.

As we grow older, we try to ' _normalise_ ' ourselves to encourage others to be our friends.

As adults, we try to find that one thing about us that stands out, to draw others in.

Humans don't do well with loneliness.

Certainly, there are many who can be alone and not feel lonely, but for so many more, the majority, loneliness can destroy us.

Toni didn't want to be lonely.

She's already been lonely for most of her life.

_(Howard never at home, never looking at her, never speaking with kind words)_

_(Mama gone, stolen from her far too soon, unable to be recovered)_

_(Rhodey always away, doing his job, but never where she can touch him)_

_(Pepper leaving, too tired to keep being her friend, and taking Happy as she goes)_

But even with the Rogues' return, it doesn't get better.

_(Loneliness and fear aren't mutually exclusive; she fears them, so she won't let them close, won't let them erase her loneliness)_

Because there is still so much work to do, and only Toni's doing it.

_(She's just so tired)_

Toni doesn't want the Rogues', doesn't want them to be the ones to dispel her loneliness.

They're just the only ones there right now.

_(But then, just like her loneliness, she's used to it)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	20. Chapter 20

In the English language, there is no word for a parent who has lost their child.

You of course have the orphans - children whose parents are gone.

You also have the widows and widowers - women and men who have lost their spouse.

But a parent who loses a child to death has no name, no title, no word for them.

Except unfortunate.

It is an odd quirk of this language, no? Given just how far it goes in other circumstances to find a descriptor or create one, in this one instance, there is an almost remarkable absence.

They just remain unfortunate.

For all that she may deny her position as such, Toni is a Mother; she is the Mother of invention for SI's necessity. She is the Mother of innovation for the majority of the world. She is the Mother of the Avengers. She is most certainly Mother to her robotic children.

Though we could feel her relief to be wrong, you could hear her heart breaking when she thought Friday, her child, her baby girl was lost.

And what, my dears, could we have called her then, but unfortunate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	21. Chapter 21

Silence is scary.

It's so very scary.

Toni talks, plays music, _screams_ , as loud as she can just to cut the silence.

Because in silence, she can't help but hear the voices.

Those cold, cruel, taunting voices that whisper ever endlessly through her head.

_Here because of daddy's money._

_Filthy slut, only good for opening her legs._

_Thinks she's better than everyone._

_Little girl trying to play grown up in a Man's World._

_Why are you so pathetic Antonia?!_

Toni is loud, louder, louder again, all to drown them out, those voices of people who thought she couldn't hear them, didn't care if she could hear them, wanted her to hear them.

Voices of people she didn't know, people she saw in passing, people who should have loved her.

_Get out of my lab Antonia! Maria! Get your child out!!_

But sometimes, no matter how loud she is, how loud her music plays, how shrill her screams become, sometimes it's not enough to block them out, not enough to cut the cruelty that haunts her every thought.

When that happens, Toni turned to drowning them out in a more effective way...

 _Howard's_ way.

Whiskey, scotch, rum, brandy, beer, wine, vodka, hell mead; any and all she would welcome burning down her throat so as to muffle those ever present voices.

And every time, she hates herself for it.

Toni never wanted to emulate Howard, but she knows how well the alcohol dismissed her sire's demons, so when she can't be louder than the whispers, she takes a page from him and drinks.

She hates it, but the she hates the voices more.

And Mama's not here to protect her anymore.

Mama's sharp perfume was enough for Toni's mind to latch onto, to force itself to focus, and her lyrical voice so much more enthralling than the taunts and sneers of others.

But it's Mama's hugs that Toni misses the most.

The oh so gentle strength that hid Toni from the world and kept her safe from Howard.

The warm chest that carried a heartbeat Toni so adored.

The soft hands that covered the band that concealed the mark on Toni's wrist so Toni didn't have to be reminded of Howard yet again.

The smooth lips that would smile just for Toni, and kiss her goodnight with a whispered 'I love you'.

She misses Mama so much.

_"I'm sorry Miss Stark, but you need to come down to the hospital to identify your parents bodies. They were in a crash tonight. We will see you soon."_

Silence is scary.

_Howard was such a great man._

_A true patriot serving the nation._

_However will Stark Industries continue without such a strong man at the helm?_

_I heard he left it all to his **daughter**._

_I hope she doesn't disappoint._

_What was he thinking?_

No one ever seems to remember that Mama died next to Howard.

They only ever talk about him, then look at Toni in silence.

Their voices add to the others as the silence grows louder.

She hates it. Toni truly hates silence.

Silence is scary.

And without Rhodey to help her beat it back...

_Colonel Rhodes has been getting worse, Ms Stark._

Toni's losing all her strength to fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	22. Chapter 22

I've always felt so warm within your arms, safe from anything that could hurt me.

You drew me in and held me close, protecting me from anger and hate and cruelty.

I could hear the beat of your heart, the sound of you breathing.

You were always there, a smile on your lips, a kind word on your tongue.

You always seem to know what to say, to ease my fears, to stay my tears, to make the demons in my head go away.

You tell me stories from worlds long gone, and dreams for worlds yet to come.

You whistle when you're happy, and you sing when you're sad, and silent when you're angry.

And you always have a hug to give no matter if you're whistling, singing, or silent.

I've always loved you stroking your fingers through my hair, combing the locks and lightly brushing my scalp, soothing aches that hadn't fully formed, and easing those that had.

We played dress up and make up artist so many times, our clothes should be tatters, your make up run dry, but there were always supplies for us to play.

...

...

...

...

I don't have the words to tell you how much I miss you Mama.

I wish you weren't stolen away. I wish you weren't killed.

I wish you could still hug me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	23. Chapter 23

Hope is an interesting concept.

It has been described in many ways; the light in the dark, the end of the tunnel, the silver lining.

All of them referring to light and dark.

It reminds me more of a puzzle.

When you're putting the pieces together, it's easy, so easy, to get drawn in, to focus so strongly on the pieces and shapes, and we can't stop thinking about it until it's done, that's just the way our brains are wired.

But when we focus on the individual pieces for too long, we forget what the end result should look like.

We need to take a step back.

A step away.

And when we do, we can see how much progress we've made.

It's heartening, to see what was once a giant mash of endless shapes and segments form into a cohesive whole.

It's empowering to complete the goal.

Toni needed a step back from her puzzle, to remember the final image, to see what she was working with.

To have the missing piece that is Rhodey returned to her.

The puzzle gets closer and closer to completion every day, now that she can remember what she's trying to do, and now, she's realised that though they had the right shape, the Rogues aren't part of her puzzle, don't have the right images that she needs.

With that step back, Toni's no longer trying to force in pieces that don't fit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	24. Chapter 24

Originally, James was just going to keep walking.

He was a good student -high grades, kept to himself, didn't cause trouble- and was on a scholarship that should have allowed the occasional slip up, but because James was black, he was constantly walking the tightrope of keeping his place in the school, especially since stupid rich white boys would take one look at him whenever he missed morning coffee and tell the staff that James was glaring at them like he wanted to kill them.

He did half the time, but that's not the point.

The point is that James _was_ just going to keep walking when he saw four of those same stupid rich white boys clamouring about an alleyway, hollering about something, until he heard another voice yelling at the boys to let them go.

More specifically, to let _her_ go.

Yeah, James Rhodes met Toni Stark by decking four of their classmates when they were hassling her.

Toni was such a tiny thing, and she had looked at James with such a mix of thankfulness, annoyance and genuine fear, that all he had wanted to do was wrap her up in a blanket and hide her away from the dark cruel world they lived in.

Instead, he stayed by her side, a protector, a _knight_ , who just wanted her safe and smiling.

It was made a lot easier when she got the charge that would have seen him thrown from M.I.T. dropped.

It really set the tone of their relationship.

Toni -almost always through no fault of her own- would wind up in trouble, James would get her out of it, and Toni would get the charges dropped.

It worked for them.

Even after James _(He's Rhodey now, Toni gave him that name, and it makes him feel warm that she did. He calls her Tones in return.)_ joins the Air Force, it still works that way.

_(Toni's parents die, Rhodey shields her from the cameras, Toni threatens lawsuits.)_

_(Toni takes the position of CEO and the board don't trust her, Rhodey becomes the Air Force liaison soothing the old men's concerns, Toni provides for the military.)_

_(Toni gets kidnapped in Afghanistan- ... Okay, for most of their relationship.)_

Rhodey has always tried to be there for Toni.

Sometimes he is, sometimes he isn't, mostly it works out, sometimes he stuffs up. It okay, their relationship works for them and that's all the matters.

So when Rhodey wakes up after months of a coma and finds out all the shit his little sister has been put through by people who never even _tried_ to deserve her?

Well, Rhodey is damn well going to protect her, and keep her safe from those bastards.

After all, Rhodey and Toni have a pattern that works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	25. Chapter 25

Fear is one of the most basic reactions a human will ever feel.

It's basic because it so easily bleeds into many actions; you can be so scared you cry. You can be so scared that it makes you mad. You can be so scared it makes you desperate.

People will go to great lengths when they are desperate.

Toni was desperate to survive her captors, so she made the first suit.

Toni was desperate to not hurt her friends, so she hid her palladium poisoning.

Toni was desperate to save New York, so she carried a missile through a portal.

Toni was desperate to recover from what she saw through the portal, so she kept working.

Toni was desperate to put plans in place to protect the world, so she designed an AI named Ultron.

Toni was desperate to save the Avengers, so she worked alongside Ross.

Toni was desperate to not be marked by a man she could not trust, so she brought the metal to her wrist.

Toni was desperate to not be alone, so she got the Rogues pardoned.

Toni was desperate to have someone help her prepare for Thanos, so she kept speaking.

Toni was desperate for space, so she ran.

_Ross is desperate to not be persecuted, so he brings up what was not his to know-_

The world trembles, and the world becomes desperate as they don't know what is happening, or what will happen after.

The world is now desperate for someone to protect them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	26. Chapter 26

It's amazing how quickly solid foundations can crumble.

How something that has stood as absolute for so long can just wither and fade away, often without anyone even noticing.

The cliffs overlooking the sea.

The bricks holding up a building.

The convictions that you have done the right thing.

Amazing really, how quickly that can change.

_(You never notice the constant beat of wind and sand and salt against the rock)_

_(You never notice the decay and rot of degrading brick)_

_(You never stop to think through all your actions and reactions)_

_(Not until it's too late)_

And it's too late now.

Once it's happened, you can't just go back to when it hadn't.

You must simply learn how to deal with the results.

A lesson, it would seem, that many have yet to learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	27. Chapter 27

She's tired.

She's beyond tired.

Every limb, every join, every inch and pound of flesh _aches_.

She's both pulled and stretched too thin, but beaten and forced inwards.

She's tired.

She aches.

She has so much to do, too much for a single person, but she's the only one who can, who _will_ , so she's the only one who is.

She's tired.

She aches.

She's got so many people to look after, so many looking up to her, so many depending on what she can do and what she can bring.

She's tired.

She aches.

She knows something terrible is coming, so she tries to prepare, but she is still needed to protect the now, to provide for the now, so she can't focus, can't redirect.

She's tired.

She aches.

She's fighting, constantly fighting, always getting back up to prove to everyone and anyone that she's right to be here, to be this smart, to be this successful, to be this strong, to be this worried about an attack that no one has truly believed is on the way.

She's tired.

She aches.

Well they're listening now.

They see she was right.

They see she's fighting.

They see she's being taken away.

She's tired.

She aches.

But she gets back up again.

Just like she always has.

Just like she always will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	28. Chapter 28

When you close your eyes and surrender to sleep, what is it that you see?

Is it flashes of the past?

Worlds that exist beyond the stars?

Hopes of tomorrows yet to come?

Or what could have been, if only you'd acted differently?

Do those cold, cruel 'what if' scenes sneak into your slumber?

Do they creep into your hopes and twist them?

Do they haunt you with endless other choices and options?

Do they echo in your ears when you finally wake?

Do they make you question if you even woke at all?

_He's my friend!_

Do you even want to wake up?

_... So was I._

What do you dream of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	29. Chapter 29

There was a quiver through the planet, the day she was born.

Not that many felt it of course.

Humans had long grown away from their closeness to Gaea and the Earth.

Certainly a few retained the ability, and were usually at the forefront of initiatives to aid the planet's health, but for the vast majority of life on the planet, Gaea was regulated to the panels of myth and legend.

But then, _she_ was born.

Such a small, vibrant thing.

Life flowed through the infant in a way so rarely seen outside the pantheons.

And not just life, but _potential_. The intrinsic ability to _do_ anything, to _be_ anything.

She had practically been swimming in potential, and had the ability to affect the world in so many ways; whatever path she had chosen to walk, she would have been seen. She would have been _heard_.

Had it not been for her sire.

Alas, Gaea learned too late the burden the man had placed upon his daughter.

Too late, Gaea learned, the girl would be cursed with what Gaea had intended as a gift.

The link to the only other soul that had sent a quiver across the Earth.

She would have thought the man delighted at the mark that now adorned his child's wrist, but Gaea had been remiss, not observing the child's life before giving her the marker.

Gaea wept as the child she had thought so blessed was dragged deeper into an unyielding curse.

Shamed, attacked, threatened and rebuked, for a mark that no human had ever had control over; why ever did the man think that his child -who even before the occurrence, he had deemed unable- could suddenly control the form of her mark?

It was ludicrous, and Gaea continued to weep.

When the child grew into a woman, still hiding her wrist, Gaea wept.

When she met and was dismissed by the mark's owner, Gaea wept.

When she did her best for the group she found herself in, but was continuously pushed aside, pushed away, Gaea wept.

When she was betrayed so completely by the one who should have loved her above all else, Gaea wept.

When she refused to wear his mark anymore, taking metal to bite into her skin, Gaea wept.

When the one she had chosen to bear the burden of ancient chains unknowingly broke them, Gaea broke with them.

One of the best guardians, are those who do so unknowingly.

And until Gaea's folly had cost her too much, Toni Stark had been a perfect guardian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	30. Chapter 30

No one can be one hundred percent good, one hundred percent of the time.

We all, at some time or another, think something mean, give a nasty look, say something cruel.

Sometimes for no reason other than we _can_.

We are petty beings full of spite.

And we believe ourselves formed in the image of the gods, so does it not stand to reason that they are the same?

That they will let their anger guide them?

That they will provide a cruelty and call it a boon?

_"But while you wait, a gift."_

And why should they not?

They are, after all, beings of power and might far greater than anything that we could possibly come up with.

If they desire something, be it an item, being or even just a task to do, who else but another god is able to tell them otherwise?

_"Most of all, he wanted me. He sought out the infinity stones, carving himself a gauntlet so that he might be able to craft his own soulmark and bind himself to me. Bind me to him.”_

_“It was a last-ditch effort, all of the gods and the Titans finally combining their powers to chains Thanos up and cast him into a different closed realm where he might not be able to harm a single soul.”_

But such is life really; there is always someone more powerful taking what they want, and no one to stop them but someone more powerful in turn.

When does it end?

When do you reach the end of the chain?

And who will you find waiting for you there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	31. Chapter 31

_(He's always acted as though he has had no choice)_

When he was small and sickly, he had no choice but to be loud to be heard.

_(He didn't hear the people begging him to stop, to let his body rest, and heal)_

He had no choice but to stand up to the bullies and jerks, because if you back down that means they win.

_(He blamed them for all the hospital bills and stress his ma had to deal with, every time he returned home black and blue)_

He had no choice but to lie on his registration forms, how else could he serve his country?

_(He didn't listen to the recruiters, the soldiers, his best friend, telling him there were plenty of ways he could help back home)_

He had no choice but to be strutted about like a damn show pony for people, because the higher ups just couldn't understand what Erskine had known about Steve.

_(He didn't notice the conflicted young men summoning courage and joining, the worried women feeling reassured, the wide eyed children feeling safe)_

He had no choice but to go against Phillips' orders, because the man was perfectly willing to abandon Bucky, who was one of the best men Steve knew.

_(He didn't think of the other soldiers who had been taken, nor the firepower a safe rescue operation would have needed)_

He had no choice but to be the leader of his personally chosen Howling Commandos, because the brass had already proven to be useless.

_(He didn't think of the specially trained recruits who were cast to the wayside without him even meeting them)_

He had no choice but to complete the mission after Bucky fell, because Bucky wouldn't want Zola to get away.

_(He didn't think to go back and retrieve Bucky's body, leaving it for anyone to find)_

He had no choice but to sink the Valkyrie, the bombs too dangerous to risk setting off.

_(He didn't think that it mattered anymore, his heart and mind with Bucky, ignoring the mark on his neck that should have had him hesitate)_

He had no choice but to escape the room he woke up in, he wasn't going to be anyone's guinea pig.

_(He didn't think about running through whoever stood in his way, whether they were involved or not)_

He had no choice but to try and find a place in this terrifying future he was in.

_(He didn't think about all the opportunities he now had before him, all the chances to be anything he wished)_

He had no choice but to fight for S.H.I.E.L.D. it was all he knew how to do.

_(He didn't think about getting a current education, about exploring the world, about seeing what now is, instead of what was)_

He had no choice but to dislike Toni Stark, a showy, spoiled brat who had never grown up.

_(He didn't think about the little girl who was pushed into the spotlight and never allowed to leave)_

He had no choice but to leave Stark out of the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., who knew how she would have made it about her instead of the people?

_(He didn't think about the people who were hurt by the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D., the good agents, the retired, the families of and those who had been hidden for safety)_

He had no choice but to distance himself from Stark after she made Ultron, how could he trust someone so dangerous after all?

_(He didn't think about how many A.I. she had already made, who had never shown an ounce of hatred to all of humanity)_

He had no choice but to fight the Accords, he refused to let himself be led around like a dog on a leash.

_(He didn't think of the people who were scared that he was fine with how Wanda had reacted in Lagos, how Johannesburg was only doing well thanks to Toni)_

He had no choice but to go save Bucky, Ross would have had him shot on sight.

_(He didn't think of the officers who were thrown into walls, down the stairs, who were just following orders or the civilians who were driving under the bridge)_

He had no choice but to fight Stark at the airport, the winter soldiers were being woken and she was tearing the Avengers apart.

_(He didn't think of the others when he and Bucky commandeered a craft and flew off, leaving them to whatever would happen)_

He had no choice but to try and keep the truth from Stark, knowing she would blame Bucky when he wasn't at fault.

_(He didn't think of the young girl who had been crying for her mother, while cameras took pictures and microphones were shoved in her face)_

He had no choice but to fight against Stark, she was refusing to listen to reason and had attacked Bucky.

_(He didn't think about how devastated her voice sounded. "I don't care. He killed my mom.")_

He had no choice but to break the arc reactor, Stark wouldn't stop otherwise.

_(He didn't think about how once upon a time, it was the only thing keeping her alive)_

He had no choice but to drop his shield and leave her there, she was fine, and he had to get Bucky to safety,

_(He didn't think about how metal conducts the cold, and how for all she was shouting, Stark wasn't moving)_

He had no choice but to break into the raft to save the others, there was no way Ross would ever let them go.

_(He didn't think about the people who were scared but wanting justice, pushing for proper trials to understand what had happened)_

He had no choice but to wait for Stark to see the errors of her ways, because she was the one who had to welcome them back.

_(He didn't think that she would never want them in her life again)_

He had no choice but to continuously get into Toni's space, because he didn't want to let their problems fester.

_(He didn't think about how some wounds take longer to heal)_

He had no choice but to question Toni's sanity when she became obsessed with aliens, because they had fought off Loki's army and were fine.

_(He didn't think about what she had seen on the other side of the portal)_

And now...

Yes, she was right, Toni had been trying to protect them all, to get them ready, and they had brushed her off, and ignored her and...

It's an arc reactor on his neck. He should have seen it sooner.

It's proof that they're meant to be together, so much so that Steve waited, frozen, just for her.

But she took the choice away from him, from them, to find their happily ever after.

_(He doesn't think about how she let him see her without the blinders of soul mates, how she let him have the choice)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	32. Chapter 32

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

As cruel as that may seem, it is really just practical; over seven and a half billion people getting to live over one woman.

It's simple math.

One person dies, so that everyone else may live.

That person will be missed by those who know, will be thanked after the fact that they made that sacrifice, but it is really that simple.

One death instead of billions.

One death and the conflict ends.

Sure reconstruction and fixing up the details of the conflict could end up spanning years, but what is that compared to everyone else surviving?

What is one life compared to that of the world?

She is prepared to do that, to be that sacrifice, because better her than someone else.

And maybe, just maybe she could have succeeded with the Oblivion Blade. Maybe she could have ended it then and there.

She'll never know.

The choice was taken from her, and so the conflict continues, the Oblivion Blade destroyed, their chance gone.

So instead, she chooses again.

When doors one and two aren't to her liking, Toni **_makes_** door number three.

The others won't like it, claiming that she needs to stay alive, but she won't let her choice be taken from her again.

After all, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	33. Chapter 33

Decisions made; the price I've paid; my soul has gone to sleep.

The lies he told; the secrets he did hold; the silence he chose to keep.

He led his team; the civilians did scream; they begged him to stay away.

He did not soothe; he said _'no, **you** move'_; and then claimed that he saved the day.

They looked to me to protect; I am at their beck; ever I'll be at their call.

So I fight and defend; shared enemies I rend; Starks are made of Iron, after all.

I first tried to speak; the tactic proved weak; he would not hear my words.

His decisions pre-made; my response was dismayed; then he ran off and gathered his herds.

His actions grew wild; he behaved like a child; who screams when they don't get their way.

My brother was harmed; fighting those he had charmed; and he hadn't the gall to stay.

When I learned of the ruse; who was behind my new bruise; I hastened my way to his side.

But the ruse was two-fold; and then I was told; through his actions and words that he'd lied.

How could I hope to be calm; his presence no balm; what else would come but drama?

When I was in a room; dark with the gloom; with the man who had killed my Mama?

My mind went white; I was not alright; I could not think only react.

His face was a scowl; as he fought with a growl; as he succeeded in fighting me back.

He left me with ease; he left me to freeze; he left me to **die** on my own.

So I tore up his mark; as my eyesight went dark; and I cried as I was alone.

But no more you hear; he's not worth a tear; I can say _'I'll no longer cry over you'_.

I may have loved him one time; when I thought he could be mine; but he will never be one of my few.

He may now see; what once we could be; but he has chosen his fate.

I thought to be kind; let him see me blind; he likes it now, but far too late.

The Titan is here; with his armies of fear; with the intent to split us in twain.

I aimed for his head; prepared to be dead; but I was prevented, and it is now in vain.

He rooted through my brain; increased my strain; showed my pain freely for all around.

He felt so bold; to show my memories of cold; show me attacking the mark to which I am bound.

His power is great; he seeks overturn fate; he seeks to attain his demand.

And when all is said; and all are then dead; he seeks to claim Lady Death's hand.

My brother I'm sorry; that you I continue to worry; that you feel compelled to care for me.

It gladdens my heart; but I fear we must part; though I'd hoped for more time, you see.

We have no more time; dearest brother of mine; and I know now what it is I must do.

So though I might fear; what comes next for me dear; the needs of the many outweigh that of the few.

I've always been seen by all eyes; and always I rise; always I reclaim my feet.

But this time I won't; quite in fact, I **don't** ; for once my strength is deplete.

Oh my darlings, I'm gone; this curtain is drawn; this is simply what I have to do.

Please be strong for me; this is just how it must be; I love you, I love you, I love you.

Just this once I am found; my body laid upon the ground; into the dirt my blood does seep.

I've made my bed; I now rest my head; I close my eyes and sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	34. Chapter 34

When children first come into existence, Gaea feels them all as balls of warmth and light.

She meets them all in her garden, and she cares for them until they are born, or replants them if they don't come to term.

She cares for all the children, whether they go on to become humans or the beautiful flowers she raises.

Some of them are warmer, a slight hint as to their personality when they are born.

_The flickering ball was so weak, but so, so warm, Gaea couldn't help but give the poor dear a slight bit of her energy to ensure they'd live. The child it became mirrored that beginning; Steve Rogers was so weak, but so, so determined, and Gaia's help saw him keeping on._

And others are so bright, she has to keep them from leaving others in shadow.

_It was a rather bright little one, but not very warm or aware of those around it, so Gaea was constantly keeping it from upsetting the others, it was a bit of relief for the child to be born. But that child mirrored the beginning too; Howard Stark was rather bright, but not very warm or aware of those around him, and was constantly being kept from upsetting others._

And then there are those incredibly rare few, who are so bright they are nearly blinding, but are also so warm you never want to look away.

_Gaea was especially careful when the newest child came into her care; a little supernova, so bright, and so warm. Gaea was actually hesitant when it came time to release the child to be born, for such children are catalysts for change and life. But she let the dear go._

_When it came time for Antonia Stark to receive her mark, Gaea looked over the life she had lived, and saw the cold shadow she had been left in -Howard, a bright light that had never learned to be aware of those around him, and had never really been warm; how had **he** become the father of one so bright and warm?- Gaea saw it as only right to have matched the supernova left in the cold to the otherwise warmest soul she had ever seen._

_Yes, Steve Rogers would treat Antonia Stark well._

It was infuriating to have learned that Hela had interfered, possibly ruining any chance Steve and Antonia had of true happiness, but Gaea was sure they would reconcile.

They were fated to be together after all.

_"But he made a choice to do that to me and I’m making my choice too.”_

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	35. Chapter 35

When does love become a burden?

When, exactly, does love become a problem?

Is it when the love is unrequited?

Is it when the love isn't balanced?

Is it when the love becomes toxic?

The first is a concern, the second is lonely, and the third is a problem to be fixed, but **_when_** did that love become a burden?

At first it's a little flattering right? To have someone love you?

You may not love them back, but it's a nice feeling right?

Maybe love becomes a burden when that nice feeling goes away.

When you don't feel anything positive over that love directed towards you.

When that love keeps being directed at you even when you show no interest.

When that love begins to feel less like love and more like obsession.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Love is a burden when it is no longer love, but continues to be called love, as though that makes everything alright.

And it's a little terrifying when you realise just how quickly that can happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	36. Chapter 36

Do you know why bodies are buried six feet deep?

It's to protect them.

To keep them safe in their final resting place, undisturbed in their eternal sleep.

Six feet of earth to keep them sheltered from the sun and rain.

Six feet of dirt to cover up any scents that attract animals that would love an easy meal.

Six feet of soil to hide them away from the day-to-day vandals who don't care about respecting the dead.

And then there are gravestones.

Some are a simple slab, bearing only names and dates.

Some are gently shaped, slightly decorative and made of fine stone.

Some are elaborate pieces, designed to catch the eye and extoll loudly the praises for the name it carries.

Some are left blank, a mystery to all.

But they are there as markers that _someone_ once lived.

That _someone_ was there.

It protects us too in a way, having the dead buried so deep, with a marker of their passing.

It protects us from forgetting them too easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


	37. Chapter 37

Life is hard.

It's full of trials and troubles, beating you down constantly as you struggle to catch your breath.

And it sucks.

It sometimes makes you wonder what the point of it is.

It sometimes makes you feel like you're just rushing towards the end.

Oh my dears and darlings, the point of life is to enjoy it.

What good is it to be the strongest man, constantly training and working hard, if you do not enjoy what you do?

What use it to be the most talented engineer, if you feel disgusted every time you look into the mirror?

What reason do you have for getting out of bed, if the mere thought of your day fills you with misery?

I know it's hard my little ones.

I know that every day is a heavy task of just continuing to put one foot in front of the other.

I know that sometimes we all must simply force ourselves to just keep on carrying on.

But there is such joy to be found in the world, if you simply know where to look.

There are so many stories able to be told, contained in countless pages in books, in gathered communities, from the mouths of bards.

There are endless works of art being shared for any and all to see, each of them a masterpiece in itself.

There are an eternity of tales being woven for us to sit back and watch, such talented souls bringing them to life on screen and stage.

There are never ending hidden pops of natures beauty, finding ever new ways to reclaim a place on our planet.

So yes, life is hard, but if we can stay strong, if we can remember to find joy in life and go looking for it, we can survive whatever tribulations darken our door.

After all, it's always darkest before the dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toodles and Love  
> Oky Verlo


End file.
